What Happens When You Stop Hiding Your Values
3 min
Last November, I joined a workshop that revealed something about myself I hadn’t yet been ready to see.
I had been looking forward to it for weeks. That morning, I dressed with intention: navy pinstriped slacks, a bold sweater with blocks of red, yellow, green, and navy, pointed-toe shoes, and a bright red tote that made the whole look come alive. I felt polished and confident, but also a little nervous about what might unfold.
The workshop, titled “Wait, Wait, Wait, I Need a Plan,” was led by Suzy Welch, award-winning professor at NYU Stern School of Business, acclaimed researcher, and three-time New York Times best-selling author — most recently of “Becoming You: A Proven Method for Crafting Your Authentic Life and Career.” In three hours, Suzy guided us through a condensed version of her Becoming You methodology, a process designed to help people uncover what truly drives them.
Through a mix of reflective exercises, from writing a six-word memoir to answering the Proust Questionnaire, we explored the values that shape our choices. After ranking them, I looked down at my list and paused. My top value stopped me in my tracks: beholderism.
Beholderism is the value that reflects the importance of aesthetics in your actions and decisions, both in terms of your own appearance and your environment.
My first reaction? Discomfort. I immediately judged myself. How could this be my top value? I’ve always prided myself on depth and substance. But as I sat with it, I realized my resistance wasn’t about the value itself, it was about the story I had attached to it.
Over the past year, I’ve been on a kind of “glow-up” journey, investing in how I show up, how I dress, and the spaces I inhabit. I’ve leaned into the quiet confidence that comes from feeling put together. Still, I hesitated to own that this, too, was a form of care.
Then Suzy said something that shifted everything: “Values are tools, not labels. They help us show up in the world.”
That line stayed with me. Beholderism wasn’t superficial; it was intentional. It was about bringing care, artistry, and meaning to what surrounds me.
As the creative voice behind Kume House, I suddenly realized how deeply this value was already present in my work. Every touchpoint, from the texture of the cover of the MyKume Journal to the atmosphere of a journaling workshop, is designed to make reflection feel both grounding and beautiful. I had been embodying beholderism all along; I just hadn’t named it.
Fast forward a year. Last Sunday, I visited the 8th Annual Kips Bay Decorator Show House in New York City, a dream for anyone who loves design. Each room, imagined by a different interior designer, told its own story. Maximalist, bold, elegant—every space pulsed with creativity. I wandered through in awe.
At one point, someone complimented my outfit and asked, “Are you a designer or just an aesthetic lover?”
I smiled and said, “Aesthetic lover,” without hesitation.
And for the first time, it felt fully true.
That moment sealed it for me. Beholderism wasn’t vanity; it was a way of seeing.
So here’s your reminder for the week:
There’s no hierarchy of values. No “better” or “worse.” Each one, even the ones that make us squirm, points us toward understanding.
Ask yourself:
What do I admire? What do I resist?
Somewhere between those two questions lies the truth of who you are and who you’re becoming.
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